Domestic violence not a secret worth keeping

All families have secrets. While some family secrets are dinner- time recipes, other families harbor far darker secrets like those of domestic violence. Though high-profile cases such as the O.J. Simpson case in the mid-1990s have shed light on the problem of domestic violence, it is still a prevalent concern.

In a 2000 joint study with the Center for Disease Control (CDC), the National Institute of Justice found that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime, a statistic that has far reaching effects for all members of the family, not just women. A separate study by the American Psychological Association found that 40 to 60 percent of men who abuse women also abuse children, who are then more likely to commit assault crimes and carry that abusive behavior into their own families.

Due to the nature of domestic violence, where women and children live in constant fear, doing something about it can seem like a tremendous risk, one that could result in even more abusive behavior. However, for those stuck in such situations, it’s important to recognize the urgency of doing something, as the abuse typically grows worse over time and can be very damaging for children, even if they’re only witness to, and not victims of, domestic violence. Those involved in relationships where domestic violence occurs should consider the following tips, courtesy of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Living With Violence

Find a safe place in your home. If an argument occurs, have a few safe places in mind should your partner grow violent or out of control. Avoid rooms with no exits (i.e., the bathroom) or any that might contain potential weapons, such as the kitchen.

Make a list of contacts. Store a list of safe contacts you can call in case a domestic violence situation arises. These can be written down or even stored in your phone. Make them easily accessible should you need them in a hurry. It also helps to commit a few of these numbers to memory.

Have cash on you at all times. This is important in case a situation escalates to the point where you need to escape immediately. Keeping available will enable you to escape quickly without having to rely on credit or debit cards.

Escaping Domestic Violence

Many victims do escape relationships that involve domestic violence. However, those victims will tell you the fear oftentimes does not go away, as a history of being abused in one’s own home is hard to shake. While the fear is something each individual must deal with, there are steps to take to minimize the likelihood of a recurrence once you’ve escaped a violent relationship.

Change your phone number. Domestic abuse can be both physical and mental, and harassment is a common means of mental abuse. Changing your phone number can help you avoid that harassment. It’s also a good idea to get a device such as Caller ID, so you can see who is calling before picking up the phone and have a record of your incoming calls.

Change the locks. Even if your abuser has left his keys, changing the locks remains entirely necessary. Copies of the keys can easily be made, so don’t assume your former partner doesn’t have a copy.

Try not to stay alone. Though it can be difficult to invite others into your home once you’ve been abused, try not to stay home alone, as your partner could very well return. Have a sibling or friend stay over if possible, and if you ever feel as though you’re in jeopardy, stay at their place if need be.

Change your routine. Attackers prey on people whose activities they can predict. Someone you’ve lived

with in the past likely knows your schedule better than anyone, so change it up to throw them off. If your routine involves any activities such as jogging, include a friend or relative as well.

Notify school and work contacts. Let security at your office as well as school officials if you have children know of your past problems. If possible, provide each with a photo of your abuser in case they show up.

For more information on dealing with domestic violence or helping a loved one, visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Web site at www.ncadv.org.

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