Alphabet Juice is not fiction; it does not have a plot. It does, however, have a theme: The "subtitle" is "The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory." So we can see that, even though usage and meanings are dealt with, we must not get carried away with their (or our) importance.

The entries are, indeed, arranged alphabetically. We begin with a and end with zyzzyva (which is, by the way, a class of weevils -- anyone for Scrabble?). In between, we are not so much informed (though there is certainly that) as entertained. For example, on page 155: "The word it's is a contraction of it is. The possessive of it is its. Many people do not care. I know, you want to make a citizen's arrest of anyone whose menu lists "Idaho potato baked in it's skin,' but you can't."

Under "great one-word sentences," we find: Fuhgeddaboudit. C'm'ere. Touche', Look!

"mutual:" "Alan Delynn, a theater and film producer I used to run into when I took part in New York nightlife, once said of two people, 'They hold each other in mutual contempt, which speaks well of both of them.' I've never read or heard that anywhere else, and assume it was original. It deserves recording."

Using bold-face print, he often refers the reader to another entry in the book. Under "awesome," he says, "This word has been used so loosely (and increasingly pronounced to rhyme with possum, hence with even more awe leached from it), that even totally awesome has about the same force as cool." "See incredible, amazing."

With apologies to my fellow English teachers and my computer, I have to tell you about "sentence fragment:" "Not necessarily an error. Best way to put something sometimes. Something worth putting. Unless something else was wrong with your sentence fragment (which, let's face it, is highly likely), you're right, your teacher shouldn't have taken off for it."

I have to stop this, of course. The News-Reporter does not want this whole issue to be about Alphabet Juice. Finally, then, "Berraisms:" For a network TV special that was to come out during the World Series of 2001, I was asked in August of that year to compare the malapropisms of Yogi Berra with those of George W. Bush. The events of September 11 put the kibosh on that little feature, but I recall making the point that while neither man was one you would expect to be the leader of the Free World, the quotations of Yogi were charming in a Zen sort of way, as when he said, while watching an old Steve McQueen movie on television, 'He must have made that before he died,' or when, after buying an enormous Tudor house for his family, he said proudly, 'It's nothing but rooms.' When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars, he replied, 'If the guy was real poor, I'd give it back to him.'"