Where is it that most of us want to die? Wow! Tough question. The majority of people I have talked to say at home, in their bed, during their sleep. If only we can all go that peacefully. Regrettably few of us are healthy and alert, and able to do for ourselves right up to the moment we die. So what are the options?

The first response by those by those who are not family is to put the dying person in a nursing home so they can be cared for by skilled nurses and have all their needs, from meals to depends changes taken care of. Sometimes this is the right answer, particularly if potential caregivers have to work or have a physical ailment themselves.

The very hardest thing to do is to accept the reality of the situation, by the person whose situation is being considered, also known as the patient, and by the family and loved ones, also known as the caregivers.

As a people we are independent, and it is especially hard for adults to give up any independence, be it their driver’s license, their privacy, and especially their home. When someone can no longer totally care for themselves, as a family help has to be brought in, or the person taken to it. Retirement homes, assisted living facilities and the like do provide a degree of freedom as well as any care that may be needed any time of the day or night.

The big question is what happens during or after an illness? With the bigger question being one of recovery, most families have no idea where to turn. Your family doctor or the doctor who is treating your loved one is your first person to ask. We all look at each situation with hope and expectation that the loved one will recover, but sometimes that is not what is going to happen. If it is, there are several home health care agencies who accept Medicare and Medicaid available to help care for your loved one until they can care for him or herself again.

When a doctor sits down with you and tells you that there is little or nothing that can be done, that is the last thing you expect to hear and certainly do not want to hear. Regrettably, if your doctor is being honest, you may never want to talk to him or her again as we are all wrapped up in what we see on television with all these medical miracles.

While some are truly miracles, others are just ways to prolong life in a way that requires us to ask the question if we or our loved one will truly be living a life worth living if treatment is pursued. What will the quality of life be? I have seen many people dying in absolute agony because family members could not accept the reality of the situation and put their loved one through treatment that was painful only because they could not accept the reality of the situation.

As I mentioned above, there are options for care if you are told that there is little or no chance for a cure, and your loved one is given six months or less to live. The one I did not address is having your loved one live at home with a caregiver, be it a family member or a medical professional or someone who is an older adult sitter with some medical training.

In this case, hospice care is an option. Hospices who cater to the needs of those who are dying and being cared for in the home do provide training to family members on what needs to be done so that your loved one does not have to go to the hospital or nursing home. Hospice care is provided at no cost to the patient or his/her family, even if there is no insurance available to pay for the care.

Hospices in the State of Georgia are required to have five disciplines to care not just for the patient but to support the caregivers as well. First there are registered and practical nurses who visit the patient several times a week to provide hands-on care and medical evaluation, as well as being available anytime of the day or night. The nurse then tells the patient’s attending physician what is happening and works with the doctor to prescribe a plan of care. This plan of care includes medication related to the diagnoses that the hospice is required to provide, any consumable medical supplies such as gloves, wipes, pads, and diapers, as well as any equipment needed, such as a hospital bed, bedside commode, and oxygen apparatus.

Next they provide State of Georgia certified nursing assistants (CNA) who provide baths, routine wound care, and apply dressings where needed. The CNAs are available every day.

Social workers are available to help with any social services needed, such as meals on wheels, or to provide support with insurance companies, Medicare, and Medicaid.

Chaplains who are trained in different religions and denominations are also available. The job of a chaplain is not to replace your minister or priest, but rather to supplement the spiritual care you are receiving. They can also be a source of care and encouragement to the caregivers.

Lastly, each hospice is required to have volunteers available to help with different needs around the house. They can be used to sit with a loved one while the caregiver has to run an errand, to do small chores around the house, or to just be a social contact to spend time with your loved one.

Hospice care gives patients the opportunity to die with the dignity often lacking in other circumstances. It also provides family and friends an opportunity to say goodbye and to let the person who is dying to know that they are loved and that their lives made a difference.

If you have any questions about this article or about resources in the local community you can contact the author, Rev. Glen Kohlhagen, at the Washington Presbyterian Church at 706-678-7511. Rev. Kohlhagen facilitates a bereavement group sponsored by the Wills Memorial Hospital on the second Wednesday of each month at 1 p.m. in the hospital library/conference room. The next meeting is set for Wednesday, August 11.